Song

MELANCHOLIC ALCOHOLIC

The doctor says I drink too much

My liver is borderline risky

When I'm half cut, I bleed red wine

And when I piss, I piss whisky 

I've got Guiness running through my veins

A drunken wife and drunken weans

My muscle tissue's wafer thin

My saliva tastes like gin

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And when I come, it's Bacardi Rum

And when I cry, it's vodka and lime

Well I'm a melancholic alcoholic

I need a lift, I need a tonic

Yeah, I'm a melancholic alcoholic

My blood pressure is supersonic 

There's another big faux pas

I've been drinking Stella Artois

While I'm driving im my car

Don't worry - I didn't get far 

But it was an emergency

I had to get to Threshers, eh? 

They'd no drink left - that's the truth

I drove home with a drunkard's drooth

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The Sensational Alex Salmond Gastric Band